Confessions of a Pew Sinner!

 

Pew Sins: The sins that a person commits while sitting in church knowing better.

What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?" (Rom. 6:1-2)

I am probably going to shock some people with this post.  But the enemy of our soul does not like to be exposed, he likes it when we go to church, preach, and sing in the choir, dance, shout and SIN.  But I told you in the beginning that I will share my life testimony because I have been delivered from some really crazy things and I believe that by me sharing transparently with you, you too can stop Sinning while sitting in the Pew.     

For over ten years I was an Undercover Church Gambler (UCG). Put the phone down,   Gossiping is a Pew Sin. 

 

 I started gambling in August of 2001, I stopped in April of 2010.  

 I was sitting in my “pew” not to long ago  and as I was about to sit down and a lottery ticket in the coat  pocket of the person in front of me  caught  my eye, that is when I decided to post this particular segment of “IT’S NEVER TO LATE TO CHOOSE LIFE ”,  I realized  MY SISTERS and BROTHERS need help and I could help them!  It was three years ago that I gave my addiction over to God. April is my Anniversary month..... 

 FREEDOM IS SO REFRESHING!

Remember the well calculated snow ball affect from my first post….watch how the enemy of my soul set the stage.

This is my story: 

As a young girl I grew up around church going, street number playing people.  It was illegal back then but I guess the police looked the other way like they still do today.

A lot of my family played the numbers and most of them were really good at working out combinations for themselves and others. I remember being given the numbers usually written neatly on a small piece of paper with the money wrapped inside to take over to Joe's (store on Main Street). When someone in the family “hit the number” depending on how “big” they hit we would sometimes get new clothes, extra grocery, and of course they would have some “extra” money to play the numbers to see if they could hit again. I eventually learned how to read the cartoons in the paper and see the numbers that were worked into the comic-strips.

 When I turned sixteen I worked at a store downstairs from where I lived, it had a phone booth in the back, where the local bookie would call his numbers in from, I played lookout for the police on several occasions.  It was a scary thrill. (My kids are probably cracking up at the thought).  Several years went by before I actually started gambling. 

 

 I think I was about eighteen when I placed my first bet at the Jai-Alai in Bridgeport. I had come home from college the summer of “76” after my freshman year at CCSC. My sister and I applied and got hired to work the concession stand the first year they opened.  The atmosphere was charged people were excited and by the end of July I was hooked.  The  first time I won you would have thought someone had given me some drugs (actually when I think about it today, it was just like drugs, because I became addicted) I was so happy I was on cloud nine, I had a pocket full of money when I went home that night. I was going to put it in my account at the bank with my paycheck at the end of the week.   The week never ended.  I spent all my “winnings” trying to win again.   I had gotten involved with the tote-guy, who now worked at the racetrack, I would go to Aqueduct every month, bet on the horses, win a little, loose a lot.  But watching those horses race, did something for me, it was the thrill of the possibility of winning.

Fast-forward to 1980…I had  dumped the tote-guy…..rededicated my life to God (again) got married in 1982…lived pretty much a gambling free life (a few scratch offs …told God I was sorry, never to do it again) you know the drill.

 1982-2001 (tempted but did not succumb)!

Fast Forward August 2001….Met some really nice ladies who loved to go to church and they loved to gamble.  As I watched and listened to them win…  I would become so envious.  It started with just a scratch off here and a scratch off there, the excuse being they were only a dollar.This is where the well calculated snow ball effect kicked in.
I would pay tithes always making sure "God was taken care of".
 

In my house  my job was to pay the household bills, so I would pay all the bills, but skim a few bucks off of the grocery and gas money in hopes of winning big.  At first it was just  ten dollars a week at the corner store.  I would always make sure to clean my pocketbook out before I went to church because I didn’t want anyone to know that I was gambling  I was saved!

 

Within a few years it was no longer ten dollars a week  at the corner store, it was more like ten dollars a day seven days a week plus extra for the once or twice weekly numbers, Powerball, Lucky for life, Cash five and whatever else I cannot remember.  I was spending money that was earmarked for other things. It was an addiction. I couldn’t tell anyone, I couldn’t reach out for help, I was saved.   I remember one time taking my tickets to the altar and placing them in the “ARK” I wanted to be rid of this horrible habit before it ruined my life, the God of the box could help me.

Then it happened…. someone introduced me to the casino,( one hundred miles round trip) I was a God fearing woman what was I thinking about, I know better, what if someone saw me…what if I got caught, what if Jerome found out, what if my mother found out, what if my best friend found out, my family….they all know I am saved….but I couldn’t stop, I loved gambling, I love the sound of the machines, the lights, the free drinks (non alcoholic, remember I am saved)  it was in my DNA, my mother use to  gamble, my father gambled, my uncles and aunts gambled, my brothers gambled.

 

Let me tell you how bad it was..... It was so bad if I thought I would miss the cut off time for playing my numbers and church was not out….I would leave….I was addicted.  I would be so nervous if I missed the cutoff.  What if MY numbers came out!    Every now and then I would worry about getting caught at the casino  .  I did get caught but  What is so sad  is that  I got  “caught”  at the casino by  another  “saint” and she was sitting right next to me…….so if she can do it and use the excuse “sometimes you just got to get away from it all”   it was good enough for me.

 

Ten years sitting in the pew, counseling people on how to pay their bills, how to make ends meet on little of nothing (that I knew about).  Scared that someone would see my stubs in my pocketbook, or see me coming out of the corner-store at all hours of the day and night.  So now I start to plan my visits (When you are sinning and you know you are sinning you have to work so hard to keep it a secret) SMH.

Fast forward to April 2010…I will forever be grateful to my daughter Kandace for inviting me to go to church with her, (by now I was numb….this particular Pew Sin has done me in….my life is a mess, I was afraid to confess to my husband and my family how I had screwed up)  That sunday in April  the preacher (BishopTrawick) preached a sermon which included a portion on letting go of your past (understand that I had heard this type of message preached only God knows how many times) but this particular morning I was ready to listen. I told God that I was tired of living a lie. I wanted to be free from this addiction.  I didn’t go to the altar that Sunday morning but I sat right in my seat and gave it to Him.  

Are dealing with a gambling addiction? Today, right now would be the perfect time to give it to God. Ask Him to  forgive you and  to help you,   He can handle it.    Remember It is a choice you  have to make.  Yes,  He is a deliverer but you have to want to stay free. Don’t be like the children of Israel! God sets you free from bondage  then after you are out you  start acting the fool. (lol)

That day as I asked God to forgive me and to help me turn away, I knew I had a winning ticket in my car worth $10.00.  I had to choose right then to not cash it in. (it took me a day or two to tear it up; it was ten dollars (lol).)  I am not saying I haven’t been tempted to buy a ticket (especially when we had that huge million dollar jackpot) boy did I have to choose to work with God. For the last three years we have been  digging out of a hole that I put us in, the light at the end of the tunnel is much brighter in 2013 then it was in 2010.    
 

 Here are a few ways I keep myself honest.

1.     not carrying excess cash (if there is such a thing) in my pocketbook

2.      not even going into the corner store for the cheap chips (they have such a great variety)

3.      going out the opposite door at Stop and Shop even when I am parked on the end of the service desk.

4.     making my temptation know to a few people who would keep me accountable (my husband and my kids)

5.     I DON'T PLAY CASINO GAMES ON THE INTERNET.  

                                                                        GOD CAN HELP YOU  

FREEDOM IS SO REFRESHING.

 

 

With Love from Mommy

It is the 4th of January and I am doing as I have done for the last ten or so years, looking through my pile of stuff deciding what I should get rid of (usually one or two pieces of paper)  and I happened on the letters below.

Once you reach FIFTY you start to look at life a bit differently.   You start to think about your mortality a bit more..   One day as I was sitting at my dining room table thinking about what I wanted my girls to dress me in when that time came (that only lasted for about 5 minutes)  and I got to thinking about all the things I would want to leave in a letter to them  once I died.  But then I realized that I was not in a hurry to leave this earth and decided  why should I wait until I am no longer around to see them to tell them some things I wanted them to know.  So I sent the letters out by US mail.

At first I felt a little corny for writing them a letter but once they expressed their feelings after reading the letter (after asking me if I was dying fifty million times) I felt it was well worth it.

I am quite sure they will not mind me sharing it with you since I took all the really personal stuff out....lol.   Hopefully you will be inspired to write a letter to your offspring or family member sharing your heart with them as only you can. 

 Feel free to leave comments, I love to hear from you.

April 1, 2009

A Letter to my daughters,

If I could change things I would.  Sorry I can’t.  Please forgive me for being so hung up on being a good wife and perfect mother that I forgot about who I was.

Promise me that you will never forget about who you are.  You are a very intelligent, fast thinking, honorable woman and never let anyone tell you otherwise.

You are never to forget who you are or where you came from.  We are a proud people; we come from a long line of proud people.  Even though we are a mixed group, we have never been separate even when we argue or disagree, we are still one family.

I have been thinking about you lately, I am not sure in what direction life is going to go , but I wanted you to know that I love and will always love you for your individual personality.  I see you as strong, peaceful, mighty, humble, loving, encouraging and mysterious.  Now it will be up to you to decide how many of those attributes you feel belong to you, according to how you see yourself.

It is so easy for us to say “oh that belongs to so and so and that to so and so”.  But who are you?  What do you want to become or be?  Where do you see life taking you?  Who will you change or bring up in the world? You and only you can decide.  Remember yourself, don’t get lost in someone else, “Be free to be me” should be your motto.

Promise me and yourself right now that you will strive to be the person our God intended for you to be.  Don’t get sidetracked but if you do or have, get back on track.

Life is too short, time has and will continue to past by all of us if we don’t watch out.  Check yourself.  Move on, forgive, endure, and exchange your inward doubt for something useful.  Be cute every day. Wear clean hearts (you thought I was going to say underwear huh) all the time.

Reach your hand and hearts out to your family and others, you will and do need each other more than you realize right now.  Trust me I know.

Take care of your body, go to the doctor regularly, please get regular checkups, and don’t wait until it’s too late.

I Love you,

Mommy

P.S.  It’s never too late to enjoy your Second Chance…(Cassie Davis) I am. 

April 1, 2010

 A letter to my daughters;

Well I made it another year, how grateful I am.   I have watched you guys over the last year and thought to myself if I were not here would I, if I could, be pleased, pretty much.  Paragraph seven from the last letter can be worked on a little harder,  suggestion  set a day a week  or every two weeks to talk to your siblings , it gets harder as you get older to get into this habit, trust me I know…..just a thought  ……………     Anyway I would like to add a few other thoughts…

Start working on your passion…start now!   writing, singing, sewing, painting, cooking, doing hair,  helping others help themselves, going to school,  purchasing  property, whatever it is start while you are young…..Young is your age.   

Whenever possible travel , I know from experience that traveling with children can be a bit difficult, but take a shot at it, even if you have to do it together for support ) even if it is within the same state , try and do it at least once a year.  It doesn’t have to cost a whole lot….plan it out.   Try and get use to going without me, even though I love to spend time (sometimes) with all of you.  You need to connect with one another.

The other thing is save some money you all have the plan along with the pact to not tell anyone else until I patent it and that is going to happen real soon.  But I have worked on that plan for a lot of years; Use it because you are going to reap the benefits once it hits the market, even before I Kick the bucket.  

 I love you more than you can even think or imagine!  My relationship with each of you is unique, and I thank God for making you just the way He knew I would need you to be. 

Communicate with your father he enjoys hearing from you by text or a call.               

Love Mommy

P.s.  It’s never to late to enjoy your Second Chance….Cassie Davis

I am.    

Acceptance

Acceptance:  Recognition, approval, agreement, tolerance, acknowledgement, favorable reception, acquiescence, concurrence.  The opposite of rejection.



I grew up on the Southend of Bridgeport, CT.  For about a year when I was in elementary school you either went to school in the morning or the afternoon, the Smith kids went in the afternoon.  I use to always shake my head when the old folks would tell us about how they walked to school…blah blah blah. Well now I am one of those older (lol) folks and yes we would walk to school from Broad Street to Park Avenue every day, rain, snow, 25 degree weather blah, blah, blah (lol). 

Because of the way our school day was set up we got the chance to play outside from about eight until ten thirty every morning.  Every single day we would play some kind of game where you had to choose sides, the pie game, pops, baseball, etc. I WAS NOT ATHLETIC AT ALL, I did not look athletic , I was fat and I knew I was fat, but, being a kid I wanted to have fun and the only way for me to have fun between eight and ten thirty in the morning on the south-end was to play those horrible choose side games.   I would have preferred to be at the library but it was closed at that time of the morning. I loved going to the library, sitting in those big wing backed chairs with a good book (I am writing this from the library but I am sitting in a hard doctors office type chair lol). 

How many of us can remember something like this growing up…everyone is standing in a circle, you choose captains (somehow it always ended up being the popular kids or the bullies who were chosen, mmmmm.) and it starts...
(you can fill in your own names, I just used initials to protect the innocent..LOL)

I pick E____                           I pick B_____

I pick K_____                   I pick B______

I pick J_____                     I pick L______

I pick R______                 I pick D______

Now if you know anything about these games you know that the teams needed to be even soooooo,
in my  little mind I know that  I am going to get picked, because today it just so happens that there are only two of us left standing in the middle of the two sides (they were not called teams, we called them sides).  R_______  was probably feeling just like I was “ what’s wrong with me"?

I piiiiiiiiiiiicck R______

Dog, I guess I have to pick Jo ….

Now, I’m thinking in my mind “hot dog I am going to play today” then I hear her say   “Oh there’s A_____, hey A______ you wanna play!!!!!”

The other captain is now yelling how unfair it is to pick A_____ when Joycie is left.  “You picked A______ because you don’t want Joycie cause you know she can’t run or hit” snicker, snicker….ha ha ha….whispers in the crowd, “ that’s because she fat, then someone else commented “and ugly” (uh, thinking about this conversation today, what did being ugly have to do with me being unable to hit the ball or run).   Every day for countless days I put myself in this situation hoping that it would eventually change.  I must be fair to my childhood friends, I was picked a few times out of necessity, but for the most part NOT.

Remember, I told you last week that the devil doesn’t care one way or the other about you or your feelings; it doesn’t make a difference if you are eight or eighty his job is to keep you away from the Healer. Satan wants you weak, unsure of who you are and where you are going. He comes to steal (your worth) kill (your dream) and destroy (your future). A WCSE….

Today as I write this and I look back on that particular part of my life, I clearly see that the reasons I wasn’t picked were valid ones, I couldn’t run fast and for the most part hitting was definitely out of the question.  I walked around for years with this scene stuck in the back of my heart, mad with the captain for sticking me out like that, mad with the girl who called me ugly, (yes I remember her name) blaming everyone else for something that was clearly my fault.  I went out to that circle day after day, doing the same thing but hoping for different results. It hurt, but not enough to keep me from going right back the next day and standing  in that same circle waiting for them to call my name.  CraZY.     I could play school and be the teacher, I could play house and be the mommy, I could design and hand sew doll clothes and I could make a mean grill cheese with an iron and some aluminum foil.  I knew how to negotiate with the bill collectors when my mom wasn’t home, I knew the meaning of different words and how to spell them.  Those were the things I knew how to do.

                 Why did I push so hard to be accepted in to the other crowd?

 Why is it so hard to be you?  Why do we try so hard to be like someone else?   We try to make ourselves square when we are obviously round. We were created to be individuals.
 

Jeremiah 1:4 tells us that before we were formed in our mother’s womb He knew us. 

 Tall, short, fat (mmmm is that politically correct), skinny, nappy hair, straight hair, long hair, short hair, big feet, little feet. You may have all of your teeth or like me be missing quite a few (my children know exactly how many I have, why/how?) Maybe you have a degree with a whole lot of letters behind your name or perhaps yours only has three, GED. Single, Married, Divorced, Widowed, Young, Old, African American, Caucasian, Hispanic, Asian or a mixture of a few.  Accept who you are.
Enjoy you.  God and His people need YOU to be You. 

You see the devil tries to keep us unaware of the uniqueness God has placed in us. Once I realized that I was fearfully and wonderfully made, I began to walk differently, speak differently,  I dressed differently (I wore mostly black for almost four years straight, I felt like I was in mourning), I laughed from within, I cried outwardly ( I had no tears for about two years).   It has been a long time coming but I am finally getting re-acquainted with Joyce E. (Smith) Murray.  

Take time this week to get to know you.  Have a conversation with your FATHER, if you are ready to let go of  feeling like you have to be someone other than who he created you to be, tell Him then ask for His help.  Maybe start out like this -  Father I am tired of being a phony, I want to be who you created me to be, but I need your help ...

Encourage yourself!  Re-acquaint yourself with yourself!  Find out what your name means.  Get you a journal  (Barnes and Noble has really nice ones for about five bucks) and start writing.  Write down the things that mean the most to you, write down some of the things you desire to do, write down your dreams, goals and wishes, then challenge yourself to do at least one of them ASAP.. Create a positive atmosphere for yourself.  Determine to  accept that it is okay to be YOU!            FREEDOM IS SO REFRESHING.  


Joycie

Feel free to leave your comments or questions below.

A Well Calculated Snowball Effect

Shame is one powerful emotion, the dictionary describes it as

a. A painful emotion caused by a strong sense of guilt, embarrassment, unworthiness, or disgrace http://www.thefreedictionary.com/shame.

The dictionary uses the word or, I am going to use and, because from experience I know that the enemy combines them to make a deadly concoction, one that he has used over and over again simply because he knows that when used cunningly these four emotions can be used to wipe out even the strongest Christian.

In my life it started with a drawing on a piece of wood.

I was about nine or maybe a little younger the first time I remember experiencing Shame.

I was forced to see what people thought should be our shame. As children we do not notice the physical flaws of our parents, all we know is daddy or in my case mommy, we learn their voice, their laugh, their cough, their footsteps, even what they smell like. I knew that my mom loved me, took care of me and would do anything to protect me. She went to work every day, came home did some things around the house, made sure our school work was done, laughed with and at us, went to bed, got up the next day and did it all over again. I had never even noticed that she looked different than everyone I knew. I will never forget the day that all changed. On this particular day I came home and opened the right side of the two green doors that led to the foyer of the apartment building we lived in. I had opened this door, who knows how many times, but this day was different, as I opened the door I looked smack into a picture of a monkey with a very defined cleft lip and the words cutlip written in big black letters on the wood that had replaced a broken window. You see my mother was born with no upper lip, you know how you see pictures of the little kids in the magazine who have distorted lips and the sponsor is asking you to donate money to help them, well hers was like that. As the story was told to me, the doctors "fixed" it the best they could when she was young. So now she had one but it was still distorted.

I have never shared this with any of my siblings or anyone else for that matter until now. Oh I am sure my mom knew that I felt this way, because she knew me almost as well as I knew myself if not better. Still she loved me unconditionally, never once did she treat me any differently. As a matter of fact, I think I was her favorite (don't tell my siblings that I said that). I can still remember the shameI felt as a young adult when I realized that I had allowed my brothers friends (I found out later that they were the ones who drew the picture) to cause me to be embarrassed by how my mother looked, then I became ashamed of her being a maid, then I was ashamed that she was not married, then ashamed that she didn't know how to drive, ashamed that we wore clothes given to us from the people she worked for (not realizing that they were better than the ones we could afford to buy) it was the beginning of A Well Calculated Snowball Effect (WCSE) orchestrated by the enemy of my soul.

Today as I think back, I wonder what my mom felt like when she walked through those doors. Knowing my mother like I do, she was probably more concerned with knowing that her children had to see this and how would she protect us from the shame and embarrassment that she most likely endured every day of her life. Because as we all know the enemy doesn't care about us at all, he could care less about our emotions or how young we are when they are infected. We must always be mindful that he just wants to make sure he can keep us as far away from the Healer as possible. But we must press. (remember the woman with the issue of blood in the bible)

Often we walk around carrying the emotional baggage (shame, embarrassment, guilt and disgrace) of things that we allowed others to impose on us yesterday or yesteryear. We have also been known at times to not only carry our own baggage (as if that is not heavy enough) but sometimes unknowingly and sometimes knowingly (more the latter) we carry that of others (children, spouses, siblings, parents, even friends) also. As it is said hindsight is always 20/20. I know better now, BUT, this is where the WCSEcomes in.

Let us take a look at the WCSE used on me.

I walked around for ten or more years embarrassedabout something that I had no reason to be embarrassed about, then somewhere in those ten years I became a born again believer, and I realize that I had no reason to feel this way, but, I never fully allowed the unconditional love of God to heal that wound caused by the WCSE which started to be used on me as a child, now I feltguilty for feeling that way, so now I have to deal with unmerited guilt, then that guilt lead to me feeling unworthy of being loved by my mother, God or anyone else for that matter, which in the long run lead to self-doubt, self-neglect, low self-esteem , depression, anxiety, thoughts of suicide just to name a few, then I felt like I was a disgrace to my family, before and even after marriage, (even though until they read this they never even knew I felt this way). I purposely did not use periods as punctuation, I wanted it to run-on and on because that is how the WCSE worked, one thing on top of the other, until I was so overwhelmed, I was an emotional mess for over thirty years. All of this from a drawing on a piece of wood.

A Well Calculated Snowball Effect.

Do you see how the enemy can take something as stupid as a drawing by some teenager all those years ago to hold me captive in a "cell" for years?

The devil is cunning, he works all day and all night to keep you in his grips. He knows he is doomed and lost forever, so, even before we become Christians he is working on a master plan, a WCSEto keep from experiencing the love of God. Because he knows once we really experience it, he will not be able to keep up under his control. The scripture warns us that he is out looking for us.

1 Peter 5:8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.

Have you ever been bullied by someone? What do you do? Man, you keep an eye out for them, you don’t go where you know or even think they may be. You strategize every time you go out of the house on how not to be caught by them. Then one day you decide that you are sick and tired of this, because you realize that it is taking more to avoid or hide from the bully then it does to face him. YOU decide that I am not going to take it anymore, I have got to deal with this once and for all. You still strategize but now you are working on how to deal with this person when you meet face to face.

I had to deal with the deep depression that the WCSE of the enemy had put me in. But, because I choose to live a life of freedom, I have had to work (pray, fast, study the word, speak to myself) not to fall back into a deep depression (may I add while sitting in church, that is for another time).

We all have seen those westerns where the prisoner happens to have a friend who brings them a chisel or something that can be used to free them, and they work diligently at chiseling away at their way of escape. Consider me that friend, I am here to bring you a chisel, the unconditional love of a Father. I can not promise you instant gratification, but I can promise you lasting results if you trust God. Like me you may not even be aware of or want to admit how bad off you are. Remember in the movies sometimes total freedom came quickly, they sawed a couple of times at the bar and boom cell opens immediately. Other times they had to continue to chisel and chisel before even getting a chink in the bar, at least two commercials worth of chiseling (lol), but they got out.

It took me years to deal with the pains of my past. I remember as a kid my mom telling me “I am telling you this so you don’t have to go through what I did”. Use me as your proof. It is not worth years of your life. Someone once told me that time will heal your broken heart. Take it from someone who knows from experience, the best healer of a broken heart is JESUS. Why waste all those precious moments, hours, days, weeks, months and years waiting on time to heal. Go visit Jehovah Rapha,TD (THE Doctor), its much quicker and not only does He heal, but He also forgives and forgets. He said for I am the Lord that healeth thee (you) Exodus 15:26."

Imagine yourself free, it does not have to take you as long as it did me. God is a God of His Word. He tells us to cast all our cares on Him because He cares for us. (I Peter 5:7) I know God can help you just as He did me; the issue is never with Him, but with us. So with that said. If you are ready to make a change, ready to stop the Well Calculated Snowball Effect. Why not start with this simple prayer?

"Father, I know that you made me and that you care about my well being. I am asking you right now in the name of your son Jesus, to help me; I am tired of carrying these burdens, I am tired of hiding, I am tired of feeling unworthy, I need your help today, I do not want to be locked up in the enemies cell any longer. I want a fresh start, I need a fresh start. Forgive me for all that I have done wrong , forgive me for not allowing you to carry these burdens for me and help me to forgive those who have hurt me. I know that You sent your Son and He died so that I may be free. I surrender my heart to you and ask that you take full control of my life now. Thank you for taking away my shame and giving me a new beginning."

I am not one of those Christians that's going to tell you now that you prayed you are now off limits to the devil, that he will no longer work on a plan to trip you up or to get you right back where you were or even in a worst condition. Let me tell you one thing that I know for sure, in order to stay free you have to work at it. Just like in the natural when a person is released from jail there are rules that they have to abide by in order to live free.You have to work daily on keeping yourself out of that “jail cell”.

Here are a few suggestions to get you started:

1. Read your bible everyday at first it may be hard and even boring, but trust me it gets better.

2. Take time everyday to pray, have a real conversation with God, don't try to fool or impress Him, you can't. At first you may want do all the talking, but can I suggest you practice now how to be quiet and listen for His voice, remember conversation consist of both talking and listening.

3. Stay away from the things that you know are going to suck you in, people who will constantly remind you of what you use to be, how you use to think or how so and so did this to you. They will keep you living in the past. You want to go forward. If they don’t want to support your new mindset, pray for them , but you may have to love em and leave em.

4. Speak over yourself, encourage yourself daily. Email me at bryceliz57@gmail.com, I will send you a list that I wrote for myself. Plaster it everywhere if need be.

5. Get involved in a church that is going to teach you how to understand the Word of God. DO NOT LET THE DEVIL TELL YOU THAT YOU CAN DO IT ON YOUR OWN, YOU CAN NOT, DO NOT BELIEVE THE LIE.

Thanks for reading my blog, share it with others. It will not always be so heavy. I had been "away" (lol) for so long I had just about forgot how to laugh. Laughter is good for the soul. Proverbs 17:22 A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person's strength. (NLT)