Confessions of a Pew Sinner!

 

Pew Sins: The sins that a person commits while sitting in church knowing better.

What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?" (Rom. 6:1-2)

I am probably going to shock some people with this post.  But the enemy of our soul does not like to be exposed, he likes it when we go to church, preach, and sing in the choir, dance, shout and SIN.  But I told you in the beginning that I will share my life testimony because I have been delivered from some really crazy things and I believe that by me sharing transparently with you, you too can stop Sinning while sitting in the Pew.     

For over ten years I was an Undercover Church Gambler (UCG). Put the phone down,   Gossiping is a Pew Sin. 

 

 I started gambling in August of 2001, I stopped in April of 2010.  

 I was sitting in my “pew” not to long ago  and as I was about to sit down and a lottery ticket in the coat  pocket of the person in front of me  caught  my eye, that is when I decided to post this particular segment of “IT’S NEVER TO LATE TO CHOOSE LIFE ”,  I realized  MY SISTERS and BROTHERS need help and I could help them!  It was three years ago that I gave my addiction over to God. April is my Anniversary month..... 

 FREEDOM IS SO REFRESHING!

Remember the well calculated snow ball affect from my first post….watch how the enemy of my soul set the stage.

This is my story: 

As a young girl I grew up around church going, street number playing people.  It was illegal back then but I guess the police looked the other way like they still do today.

A lot of my family played the numbers and most of them were really good at working out combinations for themselves and others. I remember being given the numbers usually written neatly on a small piece of paper with the money wrapped inside to take over to Joe's (store on Main Street). When someone in the family “hit the number” depending on how “big” they hit we would sometimes get new clothes, extra grocery, and of course they would have some “extra” money to play the numbers to see if they could hit again. I eventually learned how to read the cartoons in the paper and see the numbers that were worked into the comic-strips.

 When I turned sixteen I worked at a store downstairs from where I lived, it had a phone booth in the back, where the local bookie would call his numbers in from, I played lookout for the police on several occasions.  It was a scary thrill. (My kids are probably cracking up at the thought).  Several years went by before I actually started gambling. 

 

 I think I was about eighteen when I placed my first bet at the Jai-Alai in Bridgeport. I had come home from college the summer of “76” after my freshman year at CCSC. My sister and I applied and got hired to work the concession stand the first year they opened.  The atmosphere was charged people were excited and by the end of July I was hooked.  The  first time I won you would have thought someone had given me some drugs (actually when I think about it today, it was just like drugs, because I became addicted) I was so happy I was on cloud nine, I had a pocket full of money when I went home that night. I was going to put it in my account at the bank with my paycheck at the end of the week.   The week never ended.  I spent all my “winnings” trying to win again.   I had gotten involved with the tote-guy, who now worked at the racetrack, I would go to Aqueduct every month, bet on the horses, win a little, loose a lot.  But watching those horses race, did something for me, it was the thrill of the possibility of winning.

Fast-forward to 1980…I had  dumped the tote-guy…..rededicated my life to God (again) got married in 1982…lived pretty much a gambling free life (a few scratch offs …told God I was sorry, never to do it again) you know the drill.

 1982-2001 (tempted but did not succumb)!

Fast Forward August 2001….Met some really nice ladies who loved to go to church and they loved to gamble.  As I watched and listened to them win…  I would become so envious.  It started with just a scratch off here and a scratch off there, the excuse being they were only a dollar.This is where the well calculated snow ball effect kicked in.
I would pay tithes always making sure "God was taken care of".
 

In my house  my job was to pay the household bills, so I would pay all the bills, but skim a few bucks off of the grocery and gas money in hopes of winning big.  At first it was just  ten dollars a week at the corner store.  I would always make sure to clean my pocketbook out before I went to church because I didn’t want anyone to know that I was gambling  I was saved!

 

Within a few years it was no longer ten dollars a week  at the corner store, it was more like ten dollars a day seven days a week plus extra for the once or twice weekly numbers, Powerball, Lucky for life, Cash five and whatever else I cannot remember.  I was spending money that was earmarked for other things. It was an addiction. I couldn’t tell anyone, I couldn’t reach out for help, I was saved.   I remember one time taking my tickets to the altar and placing them in the “ARK” I wanted to be rid of this horrible habit before it ruined my life, the God of the box could help me.

Then it happened…. someone introduced me to the casino,( one hundred miles round trip) I was a God fearing woman what was I thinking about, I know better, what if someone saw me…what if I got caught, what if Jerome found out, what if my mother found out, what if my best friend found out, my family….they all know I am saved….but I couldn’t stop, I loved gambling, I love the sound of the machines, the lights, the free drinks (non alcoholic, remember I am saved)  it was in my DNA, my mother use to  gamble, my father gambled, my uncles and aunts gambled, my brothers gambled.

 

Let me tell you how bad it was..... It was so bad if I thought I would miss the cut off time for playing my numbers and church was not out….I would leave….I was addicted.  I would be so nervous if I missed the cutoff.  What if MY numbers came out!    Every now and then I would worry about getting caught at the casino  .  I did get caught but  What is so sad  is that  I got  “caught”  at the casino by  another  “saint” and she was sitting right next to me…….so if she can do it and use the excuse “sometimes you just got to get away from it all”   it was good enough for me.

 

Ten years sitting in the pew, counseling people on how to pay their bills, how to make ends meet on little of nothing (that I knew about).  Scared that someone would see my stubs in my pocketbook, or see me coming out of the corner-store at all hours of the day and night.  So now I start to plan my visits (When you are sinning and you know you are sinning you have to work so hard to keep it a secret) SMH.

Fast forward to April 2010…I will forever be grateful to my daughter Kandace for inviting me to go to church with her, (by now I was numb….this particular Pew Sin has done me in….my life is a mess, I was afraid to confess to my husband and my family how I had screwed up)  That sunday in April  the preacher (BishopTrawick) preached a sermon which included a portion on letting go of your past (understand that I had heard this type of message preached only God knows how many times) but this particular morning I was ready to listen. I told God that I was tired of living a lie. I wanted to be free from this addiction.  I didn’t go to the altar that Sunday morning but I sat right in my seat and gave it to Him.  

Are dealing with a gambling addiction? Today, right now would be the perfect time to give it to God. Ask Him to  forgive you and  to help you,   He can handle it.    Remember It is a choice you  have to make.  Yes,  He is a deliverer but you have to want to stay free. Don’t be like the children of Israel! God sets you free from bondage  then after you are out you  start acting the fool. (lol)

That day as I asked God to forgive me and to help me turn away, I knew I had a winning ticket in my car worth $10.00.  I had to choose right then to not cash it in. (it took me a day or two to tear it up; it was ten dollars (lol).)  I am not saying I haven’t been tempted to buy a ticket (especially when we had that huge million dollar jackpot) boy did I have to choose to work with God. For the last three years we have been  digging out of a hole that I put us in, the light at the end of the tunnel is much brighter in 2013 then it was in 2010.    
 

 Here are a few ways I keep myself honest.

1.     not carrying excess cash (if there is such a thing) in my pocketbook

2.      not even going into the corner store for the cheap chips (they have such a great variety)

3.      going out the opposite door at Stop and Shop even when I am parked on the end of the service desk.

4.     making my temptation know to a few people who would keep me accountable (my husband and my kids)

5.     I DON'T PLAY CASINO GAMES ON THE INTERNET.  

                                                                        GOD CAN HELP YOU  

FREEDOM IS SO REFRESHING.