Acceptance

Acceptance:  Recognition, approval, agreement, tolerance, acknowledgement, favorable reception, acquiescence, concurrence.  The opposite of rejection.



I grew up on the Southend of Bridgeport, CT.  For about a year when I was in elementary school you either went to school in the morning or the afternoon, the Smith kids went in the afternoon.  I use to always shake my head when the old folks would tell us about how they walked to school…blah blah blah. Well now I am one of those older (lol) folks and yes we would walk to school from Broad Street to Park Avenue every day, rain, snow, 25 degree weather blah, blah, blah (lol). 

Because of the way our school day was set up we got the chance to play outside from about eight until ten thirty every morning.  Every single day we would play some kind of game where you had to choose sides, the pie game, pops, baseball, etc. I WAS NOT ATHLETIC AT ALL, I did not look athletic , I was fat and I knew I was fat, but, being a kid I wanted to have fun and the only way for me to have fun between eight and ten thirty in the morning on the south-end was to play those horrible choose side games.   I would have preferred to be at the library but it was closed at that time of the morning. I loved going to the library, sitting in those big wing backed chairs with a good book (I am writing this from the library but I am sitting in a hard doctors office type chair lol). 

How many of us can remember something like this growing up…everyone is standing in a circle, you choose captains (somehow it always ended up being the popular kids or the bullies who were chosen, mmmmm.) and it starts...
(you can fill in your own names, I just used initials to protect the innocent..LOL)

I pick E____                           I pick B_____

I pick K_____                   I pick B______

I pick J_____                     I pick L______

I pick R______                 I pick D______

Now if you know anything about these games you know that the teams needed to be even soooooo,
in my  little mind I know that  I am going to get picked, because today it just so happens that there are only two of us left standing in the middle of the two sides (they were not called teams, we called them sides).  R_______  was probably feeling just like I was “ what’s wrong with me"?

I piiiiiiiiiiiicck R______

Dog, I guess I have to pick Jo ….

Now, I’m thinking in my mind “hot dog I am going to play today” then I hear her say   “Oh there’s A_____, hey A______ you wanna play!!!!!”

The other captain is now yelling how unfair it is to pick A_____ when Joycie is left.  “You picked A______ because you don’t want Joycie cause you know she can’t run or hit” snicker, snicker….ha ha ha….whispers in the crowd, “ that’s because she fat, then someone else commented “and ugly” (uh, thinking about this conversation today, what did being ugly have to do with me being unable to hit the ball or run).   Every day for countless days I put myself in this situation hoping that it would eventually change.  I must be fair to my childhood friends, I was picked a few times out of necessity, but for the most part NOT.

Remember, I told you last week that the devil doesn’t care one way or the other about you or your feelings; it doesn’t make a difference if you are eight or eighty his job is to keep you away from the Healer. Satan wants you weak, unsure of who you are and where you are going. He comes to steal (your worth) kill (your dream) and destroy (your future). A WCSE….

Today as I write this and I look back on that particular part of my life, I clearly see that the reasons I wasn’t picked were valid ones, I couldn’t run fast and for the most part hitting was definitely out of the question.  I walked around for years with this scene stuck in the back of my heart, mad with the captain for sticking me out like that, mad with the girl who called me ugly, (yes I remember her name) blaming everyone else for something that was clearly my fault.  I went out to that circle day after day, doing the same thing but hoping for different results. It hurt, but not enough to keep me from going right back the next day and standing  in that same circle waiting for them to call my name.  CraZY.     I could play school and be the teacher, I could play house and be the mommy, I could design and hand sew doll clothes and I could make a mean grill cheese with an iron and some aluminum foil.  I knew how to negotiate with the bill collectors when my mom wasn’t home, I knew the meaning of different words and how to spell them.  Those were the things I knew how to do.

                 Why did I push so hard to be accepted in to the other crowd?

 Why is it so hard to be you?  Why do we try so hard to be like someone else?   We try to make ourselves square when we are obviously round. We were created to be individuals.
 

Jeremiah 1:4 tells us that before we were formed in our mother’s womb He knew us. 

 Tall, short, fat (mmmm is that politically correct), skinny, nappy hair, straight hair, long hair, short hair, big feet, little feet. You may have all of your teeth or like me be missing quite a few (my children know exactly how many I have, why/how?) Maybe you have a degree with a whole lot of letters behind your name or perhaps yours only has three, GED. Single, Married, Divorced, Widowed, Young, Old, African American, Caucasian, Hispanic, Asian or a mixture of a few.  Accept who you are.
Enjoy you.  God and His people need YOU to be You. 

You see the devil tries to keep us unaware of the uniqueness God has placed in us. Once I realized that I was fearfully and wonderfully made, I began to walk differently, speak differently,  I dressed differently (I wore mostly black for almost four years straight, I felt like I was in mourning), I laughed from within, I cried outwardly ( I had no tears for about two years).   It has been a long time coming but I am finally getting re-acquainted with Joyce E. (Smith) Murray.  

Take time this week to get to know you.  Have a conversation with your FATHER, if you are ready to let go of  feeling like you have to be someone other than who he created you to be, tell Him then ask for His help.  Maybe start out like this -  Father I am tired of being a phony, I want to be who you created me to be, but I need your help ...

Encourage yourself!  Re-acquaint yourself with yourself!  Find out what your name means.  Get you a journal  (Barnes and Noble has really nice ones for about five bucks) and start writing.  Write down the things that mean the most to you, write down some of the things you desire to do, write down your dreams, goals and wishes, then challenge yourself to do at least one of them ASAP.. Create a positive atmosphere for yourself.  Determine to  accept that it is okay to be YOU!            FREEDOM IS SO REFRESHING.  


Joycie

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